My Wife is a Teacher

My wife is a teacher.

She doesn’t teach because she gets the entire summer off.

She doesn’t teach because her job is from 8:00 AM – 3:00 PM, Monday – Friday.

She doesn’t teach because she is never criticized for the job she is mandated to do.

She doesn’t teach because she’s responsible for a child’s complete education.

She doesn’t teach because that’s the only thing she can do.

Teaching contracts vary depending on the number of professional development days required by the state and school system. So, on those Fridays your students are out of school, or you have the extra-long weekend because school is out generally means that teachers are working, in a professional development meeting. During the summer, most teachers attend at least one professional development workshop. Teachers use the summer to plan for the next year and pour through new curriculum they will be teaching the next year. Also, while you are enjoying the last weekend of the summer, remember, most teachers have been back in the classroom for weeks, mopping, dusting, replacing lightbulbs, rearranging their rooms, hanging new posters, and getting the classroom ready before the start of the new year.

Most teachers arrive early, stay late, and spend hours on the weekend doing school work. Throughout the school year, they sacrifice time at home for activities such as grading papers and preparing for the next day. They are always on the job. Bus duty in the rain? They’ve got it covered. Selling tickets at the Friday night football game? Teachers. Standing in the middle of the produce aisle at Wal-Mart talking about a child’s behavior that day, oh, trust me, teachers have that one covered too.

It takes an exceptional person to be a teacher. Don’t believe me? Shadow one for a week, heck, try it for a day. See how long you last. Only to know that when a child is punished, it will be the teacher who is called into question, not the child who caused the problem.

Parents are any child’s greatest teacher. Teachers only spend a few hours each day over the course of a year with a child, but parents spend a lifetime. As parents, we must accept our God-given responsibilities and raise our children. No teacher can do it alone.

Tonya has a college and master’s degree in education. She is nationally board certified.

However, she doesn’t teach for those reasons.

She teaches because she loves her children and believes they deserve a bright future. And, with God’s help, that’s what she brings to the classroom every day.

I appreciate my teacher wife. Not just during Teacher Appreciation Week.

But, every day.

Being a Better Parent

I really stink at being a parent. Just ask my ten-year-old son. He’ll tell you.

Well, I don’t always stink at it, but too many times I do. I make wrong parenting choices. I raise my voice. I lose my cool. I don’t provide the right example for my son. So, yes, there are plenty of times that I qualify for the “worst parent of the year” award.

Oh, I never set out to be a bad parent. I try to be the parent God calls me to be and that I want to be for my son. But, I fail.

How about you? Do you ever fail as a parent?

While it may not be cool to admit it, and we rarely see such an admission plastered on the jacket covers of parenting books at the local bookstore, most parents fail from time-to-time. And, we fail miserably.

Quite frankly, there are times I want to give up. Those are the moments when I realize that I’ll never be all that I’m supposed to be or all that my son needs me to be. But, as my wife reminds me, quitting isn’t an option.

What’s a failed dad supposed to do?

Well, as in all areas of life, I find myself praying and seeking God’s wisdom to be a better dad.

Thankfully, God doesn’t give up on me when I fail. He’s working in me daily to change me and how I parent. I’m blessed to have a godly wife who encourages me, challenges me, and yes, shows me the errors of my ways when that’s what I need. And, I have a son who pushes back when I’m wrong.

This parenting stuff is tough. And, yes, it does stink sometimes.

But, God has placed me in this role and He’s given me wisdom in His Word about how to be a better dad.

Tell you what. I’ll pray for you as you learn to be a better dad or mom. And, as you have opportunity, I’d appreciate any prayers you can offer on my behalf.

With God’s help, maybe we’ll stink less at being a parent.

Never Too Young to Start

There are some things in life that are best left to adults. I’m thinking about things like driving a car, being an astronaut, performing surgery, or skydiving.

But, on the other hand, there are other areas in life where age really isn’t that important. An example? I’m thinking about evangelism—sharing our faith with others.

The Bible teaches us that sharing our faith is a vital part of fulfilling the Great Commission. When you check out Matthew 28, you will discover that there is no age requirement for sharing one’s faith. All of us are responsible.

So, what should we teach our children about sharing their faith? Here are few simple things to talk with them about.

First, we should encourage our children to invite their friends to church with them. This is probably the easiest way to introduce the subject of faith to others. Even the smallest child can ask a friend to come to church with them.

Second, we should encourage our children to share with their friends how God helps them. If a friend is worried, our children should be able to share how praying to God helps them when they are worried. If our children have friends who are struggling with moral issues, they should be able to share the truths found in God’s Word with them.

Third, we should encourage our children to make their lives a living testimony of their faith. Can they be counted on to tell the truth? Do they show God’s love to those around them? Do their lives reflect the fruit of the Spirit? Do they respect their parents? Are they a good friend to others? Over time, as our children live out their faith, their friends will begin to notice the difference. When they do, our children have an opportunity to share their faith.

Fourth, we should encourage our children to serve others. As they serve others, God often opens the door to share His love with them. When we serve others, people often ask, “Why are you doing this?” Jesus put the two together in His ministry on earth and we need to as well.

Let’s remind our children that when they feel led by God to talk with someone about Jesus, they should begin to pray for that person and ask God to give them the opportunity to share their faith. When God gives them the opportunity, they should talk with the person naturally, as if they are carrying on a regular conversation. There’s no need to argue or debate or try to convince. Let God do the leading.

Sharing Our Faith

As a seminary student, I was required to take a class on personal evangelism (in simple terms, a class on how to share Jesus with others). Before the end of the semester, we were required to make a certain number of personal visits with people in the community.

Some people will say that a seminary student shouldn’t have to take a class to be taught how to share Jesus with others; it should come naturally for someone called to serve God.

But for busy students who are trying to complete their academic work, maintain a family life, and work full- or part-time in a secular or church position, it is often difficult to focus on personal evangelism. Yes, I know seminary students should be about “God’s work,” but it’s still difficult to find time to focus on sharing Jesus with others.

That last statement probably isn’t limited to busy seminary students. More than likely, most of us need a little push to reach outside our comfort zones, to share our faith with others, and to lead others to a personal relationship with Jesus.

As Christ followers, we must find ways to encourage our boys and girls to share their faith in God with others. How do we do that? What are some things we need to teach our children about sharing Jesus with others? 

First of all, we must teach our children to follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit as they share their faith with others. The Holy Spirit will guide, direct, convict, etc., as they share their faith. There is really nothing more important for boys and girls to remember than to trust the Holy Spirit’s leadership as they share their faith with others.

Secondly, girls and boys must develop a love for people who don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The Bible clearly teaches that people who die without a personal relationship with Jesus spend their eternity separated from God. Rather than ignoring, shunning, or feeling sorry for people who don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, we must teach our children to love and care for them. It’s out of love that we want others to know Jesus and to be known by Him.

Finally, we must teach our children to pray before, during, and after sharing their faith with others. Our task as Christians is to open doors for people to meet Jesus personally. Our job is to prepare their hearts to accept the good news of Jesus. We can’t force belief. We can’t force acceptance. But we can pray. We can pray for people to be open to hearing the gospel. We can pray that they will listen to what we share. And we can pray that they accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.

No matter our age, it’s not always easy sharing our faith with others. Children (and adults) struggle with witnessing. Hopefully, by focusing on these 3 areas, we will be more intentional in sharing our faith in Jesus with others and teaching our children that they too can share their faith with their family and friends.

Being a Missional Family

“Families on Mission” is more than a concept or even a catchphrase.

At least, it should be.

After all, who better to do missions with than the people you love the most—your own family! What a great future we are providing our children as we not only teach them about missions, but we serve together doing missions.

While summer is in full swing, there is no better time than now to get your family involved in a missions project. Your project doesn't have to be anything elaborate, cost a small fortune, or even require faraway travel. You can do missions as a family in your own community!

Here are a few ways your family can get involved in the mission of God.

• School is out. Kids are looking for something to do. Parents want to find meaningful lessons to teach their kids, especially when it comes to helping others. Why not go through your kids' closets and pull out the clothes they have outgrown? (As a parent, we all know those clothes may have been new just last month.) Donate those gently used clothes to a nearby clothes closet. Better yet, why not go as a family and volunteer at the center for a few hours or even for a day? Roll up your sleeves, help others, and teach your children the value of serving others in your community.
• Make handmade cards for people who are sick or homebound. You might even want to bake a few cookies or a cake to take to them as you deliver the cards. Handmade cards and sweet treats will add a smile to those you visit! And, it'll certainly warm your family's hearts, too.
• Take a walk through your neighborhood and pick up trash along the way. You might meet a few new neighbors you don't yet know. As you walk, pray for people not in church, people who are sick, or other needs you know about. And, as you go on this little project, you'll certainly improve the look of your community.
• Many school districts now require uniforms for their students. Sadly, some families struggle to afford these for their kids. Why not donate your children's outgrown uniforms to their school? In addition to that donation, when you go out shopping for their new school uniforms, pick up an extra uniform in the same size as your son or daughter. Donate that new uniform to the school to be given to a struggling family.

See? You don't have to do anything elaborate, spend a lot of money, or travel very far to do missions as a family. Just look around you. You'll find plenty of missions projects your family can accomplish this summer.

M. Steve Heartsill loves God, his family, and sometimes his dog, Peanut.

Being a Cool Adult

Recently, my wife, son, and I were driving down the road. My son said to his mother, “Mom, you are cool.” She thanked him for his kind words. For a moment, there was silence in our car. Finally, I said, “Son, what about me? Am I cool?” Evan paused longer than I wish he had, but he finally said, “Yeah, I guess you are cool, too.”

You guess? I’m cool “too?” Seriously? Was that the best he could do?

Well, truth be told, I never really thought of my parents as being cool either. You know how it is. Parents and adults are just old and out-of-touch. Kids think that adults don’t understand what it’s like being a kid these days. Adults don’t dress the right way, don’t talk the right way, and certainly don’t understand kids at all.

Over the years, I have noticed that some kids are drawn to certain adults and see those adults as “cool.” I’ve watched those kids hang out with the “cool” adults, spend time at their homes, and go places with them.

Have you ever wondered why some adults are like magnets to kids and some simply aren’t? Have you ever wondered why some adults are “cool” and some aren’t?

Some general observations come to mind that’ll help us understand children better (even if we still won’t be the "cool adults" in the room).

First, to better understand children, we need to spend time with them. When we spend time with kids, we tell them that we value having a relationship with them. Every Friday morning, my ten-year-old son and I go on what we call a “daddy date.” We get up a little early, get his stuff ready for school, and then head to a fast food restaurant for breakfast. Nothing fancy. Nothing expensive. Certainly nothing good for my cholesterol level! We just spend some time together as father and son. Sadly, many adults don’t see the value of taking the time to build relationships with kids. However, what I’ve learned in spending time with my son is that I can’t wait for him to need me before I make him comfortable with me. I think that applies in all adult/kid relationships.

Second, kids need to know that they are loved. How do you show them love? Yes, spend time with them. Go to their football games or watch them march in the band. Ask them about their favorite pets. Don’t judge them if they have long hair or tend to let their pants droop a little. Be positive with them. Kids need to know they are genuinely loved by others. And when adults show them love and friendship, they learn how to better model that with their friends and classmates.

Third, talk with kids. Some people will say, “Duh! Everybody knows that!” Do they? Unfortunately, what we too often see are adults talking down to children and not talking with them. OK. Before you freak out and say, “What in the world do I have to talk with kids about?” or “I wouldn’t have a clue where to begin,” just slow down a little. Talk about whatever interests them. Maybe it’s their favorite football team. Maybe it’s their schoolteacher. How do you find out what kids are interested in? ASK! Talk with them about sports, hobbies, school, etc. By taking time to actually talk with kids, you’ll know better how to speak their language. And when the time comes to talk about God, Jesus, church, or missions, they’ll know you genuinely care about what they think.

Fourth, never forget that you are the adult and kids aren’t. I realize that this can be difficult. It also seems to be a forgotten reality today. However, kids really do need clear boundaries. Kids have a way of pushing and pushing and pushing to see just how far they can go. Whether it’s with a curfew, or what they watch on TV, or how much time they spend on the computer, kids need to know that there are rules and that the rules apply to them. You see, children need to know that they aren’t the adults. They need clear boundaries, and they need to know who’s in charge and who isn’t.

Finally, be consistent with children. Consistently show them respect. Listen to them. Talk with them. Don’t talk down to them. Be honest with them. Over time, kids will see that you are being consistent with them. They will learn what to expect from you.

Will we ever be the “cool adults” in the room? I don’t know. But what’s important isn’t being the cool parent or teacher or adult. The important part is modeling for children a godly life of respect, love, and kindness.

M. Steve Heartsill loves his wife, his son, and exploring the world.

Time for Appreciation

October is recognized as Pastor Appreciation Month in many churches.

It’s not too late to recognize your pastor and church staff, whether you choose to do it corporately as a church or as an individual. Here are some quick thoughts on how to recognize the leaders God has placed in your church.

1. Write lots and lots of letters! Letter writing is basically a dead art today. It is said that Annie Armstrong hand-wrote tens of thousands of letters per year to encourage people to support missions. Today, with the advent of email, text messaging, and social media, many people rarely write more than 140 characters at a time. This week, write a personal note or letter to your pastor and church staff. Encourage them in their work. Thank them for how they have blessed your life.
2. Everybody has their favorite things! Some of us crave chocolate. Others love fresh fruits or vegetables. And who doesn’t love coffee? Collect a few of your pastor’s favorite things, and place them in a nice gift basket that you can give him. The gift could come from your Sunday School class, from your family, or from you personally.
3. Pray. Pray for your pastor and church staff every day. Pray for their emotional well-being, their physical strength, their families, etc. There is little doubt that this is the simplest yet most impactful way to encourage your pastor and staff.
4. Many times, pastors and church staff members find themselves burning the candle at both ends. While they’d love to cook and eat at home more often, that’s just not always possible for them. Why not prepare a home-cooked meal and deliver it to their home (be sure to notify them of your intentions so they’ll know to be at home that night). Not much of a chef? That’s okay. A nice gift card to good restaurant in town will be equally special. Or better yet, order dinner from a nearby restaurant for your pastor and his family and have it delivered to their home.
5. Some church members have a vacation home at the beach or in the mountains. Why not reserve a week or two in that home for your pastor and church staff? Not only will they save the cost of a hotel or rental, but they’ll enjoy getting away from every day pressures with their family.
6. As you are able, mow your pastor’s lawn, freeing him up from this never-ending task. If your pastor really loves spending time outdoors working in his yard, you could always volunteer to have him come over and cut YOUR grass!
7. Wash your pastor’s car. You could enlist the youth or children to help you, or you and your family could “sneak attack” his car and wash it while he’s working in his office. Imagine his surprise when he comes out and sees his shiny ride!

As you can tell, there are countless ways to show appreciate to your pastor and church staff. Some ideas will take a little time and financial resources to pull off. Other ideas are inexpensive but still demonstrate how much you love and appreciate your pastor.

M. Steve Heartsill once served as a pastor. He never forgot the kindnesses shown to him during October and other times in the year

Family Traditions

Country music fans are probably familiar with the song titled “Family Traditions.” It plays quite frequently on the radio.

This weekend, that song went through my mind as I remembered my family's tradition of putting up Christmas decorations during Thanksgiving weekend. Back in my childhood days, my father, brother, and I would head out to the woods to look (for what seemed like hours) for the perfect Christmas tree. Finally, once we had found the perfect tree, my dad would take the axe and cut it down. Then, we’d head home and get the tree ready to be decorated. For the next few hours, we’d pull out old decorations, lights, and even that long, stringy, silver tinsel that wound up everywhere but on the tree.

I’ve continued that Christmas tradition with my family. Every Black Friday or Saturday, we pull out the decorations and start the process of transitioning our home from fall and Thanksgiving to Christmas. Each year, as the tree is being decorated, I reflect on the ornaments that adorn our tree. Some decorations were made by my son when he was in preschool. Others were gifts from family and friends. A few ornaments were “won” at “Dirty Santa” Christmas parties with office staff, church members, or family. Each ornament brings back a memory. Maybe that’s why it takes me so long to decorate the tree—I’m thinking of the people who gave us the ornament or where we purchased it.

One set of decorations is especially meaningful to my wife and me. My wife worked for Kentucky WMU when we met. After I proposed and we set a wedding date, we both realized that she’d have to give up the job she loved dearly and make the move from Kentucky to Alabama, where I live and work. The Kentucky WMU staff and their executive board threw a wedding shower for Tonya and me. The ladies took an unusual approach to the shower. They divided the year into the 4 seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter. Then, they each selected one of the seasons and bought gifts that were appropriate to that particular season. We received Easter decorations and Fourth of July decorations, and oh, the Thanksgiving decorations have added so much to our home over the years. But my personal favorites are the Christmas decorations. I know the reason they are the most special—because of the family traditions I had as a child. Those women gave us Christmas ornaments and plates and table runners—you name it. They blessed us with so many wonderful Christmas decorations. And each Christmas, as we pull the decorations out, we remember their generosity and their love for Tonya and her time of service in their state.

This Christmas, what family traditions will you enjoy? Will it be a trip to Grandma’s house? How about hearing your favorite Christmas song on the radio? Or what about a Christmas meal with your siblings and their families, friends in your neighborhood, or your church family?

I am also reminded that it’s not too late to begin a new tradition this Christmas season! New traditions could include attending a community presentation of Handel’s Messiah, going to a Christmas Eve service, etc. It’s never really too late to begin a new memory that will become a family tradition as the years go by.

I pray that this holiday season will be a blessed one for you and your family. And may God bless the memories you will make before 2018 comes to an end.

M. Steve Heartsill loves his wife, his children, and, sometimes, even his dog.

More Than Resolutions

I've never been very good at making—much less keeping—New Year's resolutions. Oh, I'll give it a passing thought as I hear others talk about their resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, spend more time with their kids, etc. However, I've learned over the years that many, if not most, of those people who made those resolutions never kept them for more than a few weeks. Don't believe me? Visit a local gym on January 2 and then again on February 16. See if you notice the difference!

What it comes down to for me is not so much about making yearly resolutions I won't keep as it is about digging in and doing the hard work to accomplish what needs to be accomplished—in other words, setting goals and accomplishing them.

At my annual physical, my doctor asked me how often I eat healthy, which he had never asked me before. After thinking a few moments, I gave him my answer. When I told him that I usually eat a healthy diet between 80–90% of the time, he was both shocked and pleased. Yes, there's still room for improvement. I could eat healthy 100% of the time, but I don't really see that happening. So, what do I do to reach those numbers? Well, I don't make a New Year's resolution about my diet or exercise each December 31; I just go about a daily plan to eat healthy and to stay in the best shape possible. I have a plan, and I work on my plan. I tend to set goals that I hope to accomplish—not just for the short-term, but also for years to come. And then, I don't stop when I set the goals; I establish ways to accomplish those goals.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. For years my wife and I have talked about opening a consignment-type shop. We enjoy building crafty things, and we are always on the hunt for some "treasure" that can be re-purposed into something new. For years, we did little more than talk about it. Then, about this time last year, we put a plan into motion to open such a shop later in the spring or early summer. We began making items that could go into the shop. We began purchasing items we could resell. For a while, our house began to look like we were hoarders! In late spring, we opened our shop. Now, our goal is to keep it filled!

Now, if we'd only talked about opening a shop and never done anything to accomplish it, well, nothing would have ever been gained. But, when we began putting our talk into action, we were able to accomplish our long-term goal.

Much of the same can be said about our work habits. Maybe you've been talking about beginning a new project at work. Maybe some of your work needs to be passed along to someone else.

Well, as each day rolls along, remember that now is the time for more action and less thinking about it.

This year is waiting to be unpacked. Start today putting your plans into motion and finding new ways to work better, not harder.

To Be or Not to Be

From Greece to the present day, actors and actresses have worn masks during performances to transition from one character to another. During Elizabethan days, one actor could portray various parts of a play simply by wearing a different mask on the stage.

While we don’t wear physical masks as we go through daily life, some of us nevertheless mask the feelings, thoughts, and even pain we are carrying around on the inside.

Recently, I was talking with a friend about a member of her family. Her family member is struggling with the consequences of a decision made years ago. From all outward appearances, the family member seems well adjusted and seems to have their life together. However, behind the appearance—behind the mask they are wearing—is a huge amount of pain and suffering few know about.

While my job as an editor and writer often requires me to share personal experiences, I tend to be more private about my personal life. No, I don’t hold a mask in front of my face. But, I am an expert at disguising what’s really happening inside.

Pulling back our masks can be troubling. Putting a stop to the hiding and masking of our emotions can be a difficult, almost impossible task for many of us. We find our world simply makes more sense when it is neatly tucked away and hidden from public view.

Some people are hiding behind a mask. It would be easy to judge them as distant, aloof, or even shy. However, what we sometimes forget is they may be hiding pain we know nothing of. They could be struggling with decisions that need to be made.

When my daughter was 11-years-old, she confessed to me, “Daddy, I’m weird,” as we drove home from one night. I said to her, “Sweetheart, why do you say that?” She replied, “Well, I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m not a child anymore, and I’m not a teenager either. I’m just weird.”

People you are around may be experiencing the same emotions. They may be transitioning from childhood into adolescence and find that the journey is a tough one. They may be dealing with abuse at home, whether emotional, physical, or even spiritual. They may be struggling to understand their place in God’s kingdom and don’t want others to know of their doubts or fears.

As we go through life, the easy thing to do is to judge the people we meet. “They are weird.” “They are different.” “They don’t seem to like me.” While some people are weird, I suppose, and some people are definitely different, the person you are judging may simply be going through one of life’s struggles, or worse yet, a struggle you can’t even imagine someone dealing with.

Take time to understand the people you meet, work with, and lead week after week. Love them through their weirdness. Listen to them as they talk. Pray for them to feel safe and comfortable around you. And, hopefully, given enough time, they’ll lower their masks and allow you to see the people God created them to be.

M. Steve Heartsill is a husband to Tonya, a father to Lauren and Evan, a grandfather to Monroe, and a tolerated human to his dog, Peanut.