Two Tickets or One?

Overweight passengers hoping to travel on United Airlines may have to buy two tickets to fly the friendly skies.

The third largest U.S. airline announced Wednesday that it will join other carriers and start charging passengers for two seats if they can’t properly fit into one.

United made the change as a result of the hundreds of complaints it receives each year from customers who “had to share their seat with the oversized guest,” United Spokeswoman Robin Urbansky told Bloomberg.com.

According to the airline, the policy will be enforced only in the event that the passenger can’t be relocated next to an empty seat. If the flight is full, the passenger will have to change their ticket to the next available flight and purchase a second seat for that flight.

United is the fifth major airline to adopt a policy of this kind.

A few weeks back, I flew to Dallas for a meeting. I flew the orangish, brown airplanes, the ones where the attendants actually try to make the trip fun. Anyway, I was in group A. That meant I was entitled to board in the first group to board. I was actually number 16 to enter the plane--yes, I counted. As I entered the cabin, I immediately noticed that the first seat, on the right, was empty! I thought, what a lucky day! Then, I looked at the person sitting next to the window. Let's say that he would, if flying American Airlines, be asked to buy two tickets.

I made a very quick decision--to take that empty seat, leaving the middle seat empty. I have to admit that my motives weren't completely pure. You see, I knew that no one, in their right mind, was going to sit in the middle seat--even if they could have sat there. The window passenger was more than spilling over into the middle seat.

Sure enough. I was right. No one sat there. Gave me plenty of arm space and leg room. The only problem. The window passenger snored worse than a sailor. Or, my father-in-law! That's bad. Plenty of space. Just no sleep for me.

I watched as the rest of the 120 or so passengers boarded the plane. The vast majority of them immediately spied the empty seat next to me and their eyes brightened. And, then, to the person, the also spied the window seat man. They kept on moving toward the back. Not their lucky day.

If American keeps this policy, I don’t know about you, but I smell a lawsuit coming. Where’s the ACLU on this one?

Up, Up, and Away!

There were 124 passengers on Northwest Airlines Flight 59 when it left the Netherlands. There were 125 when it landed in Boston.

A woman went into labor and gave birth to an apparently healthy baby girl over the Atlantic Ocean during the eight-hour flight Wednesday from Amsterdam, said Phil Orlandella, a spokesman for Logan International Airport.

The plane landed without incident in Boston about 10:30 AM, and the mother and baby were immediately taken to Massachusetts General Hospital.

Orlandella said for customs’ purposes, the baby was considered a Canadian citizen because she was born in Canada’s airspace. He could not confirm media reports that the mother was a Ugandan national.

When my wife was pregnant and nearing time for Evan to be born, the doctor wouldn’t even let us travel out of state to see family. This woman was permitted to fly from Uganda to the United States? I don’t get it. Did they not assume that she was getting close to delivery? Did she not realize she was putting herself and her baby in danger?

Can any one think of a rational reason for this woman to be flying?

Bald, Beautiful, and Hired!

[Note, not my actual bald head!]

Well, I’ve finally found a second job that won’t cut into my primary job!

I’ve decided to fly to New Zealand and take them up on their job opening.

It seems that New Zealand needs bald men!

Air New Zealand is offering to pay bald travelers to stand in lines in three airports—while wearing temporary tattoos on the back of their heads so the displays can be seen by people lining up behind them.

The airline will pay $660 for each walking billboard, a company official said.

The tattoos will promote a new system that is meant to reduce check-in waiting times.

Air New Zealand marketing manager Steve Bayliss described the campaign as “a bit of fun.”

“It’s a tattoo on the back of someone’s head, so they have to have their head shaved or be bald already,” he told National Radio on Wednesday. “It will be an advantage for them to be bald already.”

The tattoos would fade or wash off after about two weeks, he said.

So, if you don’t hear much from me over the next couple of weeks, you’ll understand. I’ll be in New Zealand, walking around the airport, showing off my bald head!

Any one want to go with me?