Thankful for Alabama: No Aliens Here

Did you see the news release out of Denver, Colorado?

I must say, for the first time in a long time, I am actually glad to be a resident of Alabama and not somewhere out west.

Here's the report: A man wants Denver city voters to set up a commission to prepare for visits from space aliens, and he plans to release a videotape Friday that convinced him there is life on other planets.

The man's name is Jeff Peckman. Mr. Peckman proposes an 18-member Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission. He said his footage shows 4-foot-tall gray aliens.

Peckman continued: "You could see them blink as they looked in a window and panned a room." David Broadwell, an assistant city attorney, asked Peckman if he was really serious. (Do you understand just how understated that question is?)

Seven high school students from Littleton watched the hearing, wearing tin foil hats they had seen in "Signs," the M. Night Shyamalan movie about aliens.

Now, the story only gets better. Mr. Peckman makes his living selling a new technology he says reduces "the chaos of electromagnetic fields," (does that really surprise you?) Peckman says that UFOs landed in Los Angeles and have hovered near the White House. He said he's never seen an alien himself. (What?)

Peckman needs to gather 4,000 signatures to get the proposal on the ballot. Even if he fails, Peckman said, the effort will educate people about the existence of aliens.

From Me: Folks, there are crazy people everywhere. Yes, I mean that, everywhere! Alabama certainly has her share of crazy people. Just watch the evening news from anywhere in the nation. When you see interviews with people from this great state, they all seem the same. The women have bathrobes on and curlers in their hair. The men have a huge lump of chewing tobacco in their cheek and their front two teeth are missing. You know, I've lived in Alabama for many years, and I've never seen women like that nor men like that.

But, as crazy as the people of Alabama can be, Mr. Peckman takes the cake! Aliens? Aliens landing in Los Angeles, hovering near the White House, standing four foot tall? I can hardly wait for the video to come out! How about you?

There is good news here! At least Mr. Peckman doesn't live in California. After seeing their decision to allow gay marriages, encouraging the discussion of the Green Movement, and some of the craziest politicians to ever see daylight in America, I have no doubt that if he lived in California, he would already have 4,000 signatures, heck, he would probably have 4 million signatures! And by now, it would have become law, a commission elected, and a declaration that all of America should get with the program and follow California's actions!

Sure makes Alabama look much better!